Manchester United may have throught better of celebrating their sixth-placed finish with an end-of-season awards night, but that didn’t stop them naming the players they thought had been the least sh*t.
Not surprisingly, Cristiano Ronaldo took the player-of-the-year award (he probably had it written in his contract), with David De Gea also recognised for his outstanding bravery in the face of adversity.
Of course, for some (ok, for Liverpool and Man City), the end-of-season awards ceremony is the chance to put a cherry on the top of particularly well-iced cake, crowning the player or players who took you to great heights.
But whether it be the best of the best or the best of the worst, these players can always say that in 2021/22 there was no one better.
Manchester City – Kevin De Bruyne
Let’s start with the most predictable, and therefore the most boring. The Belgian star has swept the board with awards this season.
Nabbing his fourth City Player of the Season award, he was also crowned the 2021/22 Premier League Player of the Season for a second time.
De Bruyne led City to their sixth Premier League title, scoring 19 goals and 13 assists in all competitions – his best return for the club. Voters are usually blinded by big goals, so De Bruyne being on target against Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United would have helped his cause.
Bernardo Silva, Riyad Mahrez and Cancelo all had stellar seasons and may feel slightly miffed that they didn’t get a look in.
Liverpool – TBA
Liverpool are still dragging their heels when it comes to the end of season awards. But we all know it’ll probably be Mo Salah.
The Egyptian has already won the Football Writers’ award, Goal of the Season, the PFA Fans’ Player of the Year and his 23 goals helped him claim his third Golden Boot, alongside Tottenham Hotspur’s Heung-min Son.
Chelsea – Mason Mount
The 23-year-old attacking midfielder landed the Chelsea Player of the Season award for the second year running after scoring 13 goals and 16 assists in all competitons. Thiago Silva ran him a close second.
Mount was part of the team that lifted the Super Cup, Club World Cup and qualified for the Champions League despite huge upheaval off the pitch as Roman Abramovich was forced to sell the club.
Tottenham – Heung-min Son
Heung-min Son collected another impressive haul of personal honours at Spurs. He was named Player of the Season, Juniors’ Player of the Season and Official Supporters’ Clubs’ Player of the Season for the third time in four years. But strangely wasn’t nominated for PFA Player of the Year – giving Spurs fans something to moan about during the summer.
Wantaway forward Steven Bergwijn put a bit of gloss on an otherwise unremarkabale campaign by picking up Goal of the Season for the second of his two goals in the last-gasp win over Leicester City.
Arsenal – TBC
The Gunners really drag out their Player of the Season awards by announcing them in reverse order over a week (ending in fifth!).
Aaron Ramsdale was third, finishing the season with 14 clean sheets and 96 saves.
Manchester United – Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo nabbed his fourth Sir Matt Busby Player of the Year award, probably the easiest one he’s ever won given the lack of competition from his team-mates.
He scored 24 goals in all competitions, with 18 in the Premier League boosted by hat-tricks against inconsistent Spurs and a woeful Norwich City, plus a brace against Newcastle before they had the money.
David De Gea claimed the Players’ Player of the Year for 2021/22, after playing every single miserable minute of Manchester United’s season.
He also picked up seven man-of-the-match awards during the season, which is equally as depressing when you come to think about it.
West Ham United – Declan Rice
West Ham’s Rolls Royce midfielder Declan Rice was an unsurprising choice given his consistent performances throughout the season.
The 23-year-old made 50 appearances in all competitions, scoring five and claiming four assists.
Ben Johnson won the Young Player of the Year award, with Jarrod Bowen winning the Players’ Player of the Year award.
Leicester – James Maddison
Leicester City’s Player of the Season award went to James Maddison who netted 18 goals in all competitions, an achievement which was merited by the fans if not Gareth Southgate.
Their Young Player of the Year and Players’ Player of the Year award went to local lad Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall.
Goal of the season went to Youri Tielemans for his cross-cum-shot against Manchester United, which probably sums up Leicester’s season.
Brighton – Marc Cucurella
Brighton’s Player of the Season and Most Impressive Barnet awards went to Marc Cucurella. Ok, I might have made up the haircut bit.
The left-back has shone in his first season for Brighton, making 35 Premier League appearances, scoring one and providing one assist. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but in a team where your top scorer has nine, one goal is plenty.
The Young Player of the Season award went to attacking midfielder Jeremy Sarmiento who broke into the first team and made five Premier League appearances.
Cucurella also won the Players’ Player of the Season award too, but that’s because he always brings plenty of shampoo to training.
Wolves – Jose Sa
Wolves’ Jose Sa picked up their main award and Players’ Player of the Season gong too after claiming 11 clean sheets. Without him it could have been a lot worse for the tenth-placed side, who briefly flirted with European qualification.
Not a bad first season at the Molineux for the Portuguese stopper and his luscious ginger beard. Bearded keepers need to become more of a thing.
Ruben Neves’ chip against Watford won the Goal of the Season prize.
Newcastle – Joelinton
As you can’t award the prize to a Saudi Arabian prince, Newcastle had to settle for midfielder Joelinton instead.
The Brazilian played 35 times for Newcastle in the Premier League and netted four, two against Brentford and Norwich – hardly crucial in their relegation battle.
After realising he’s not much of a striker his move into midfield, where he runs about more than he used to, has seen him “capture the hearts of the United faithful in the process” according to local Press. Doesn’t take a lot, does it?
Salomon Rondon won the award in 2018/19. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
Crystal Palace – Conor Gallagher
A loan player winning the Player of the Season award is always a bit of a kick in the nether regions. Conor Gallagher is no doubt an exciting young talent, having scored eight goals in 34 Premier League games with the Eagles, and gained his first England cap. But he’s really a Chelsea player.
Palace will want to keep him for next season, but as a player who is in the ‘shop window’ so will others. Everton are already sniffing.
Palace’s Young Player of the Season award went to left-back Tyrick Mitchell who was also rewarded with his first England cap.
Brentford – Christian Norgaard
Christian Norgaard won Brentford’s Player of the Season and Players’ Player of the Season.
The Danish midfielder helped the Bees comfortably survive with three goals and four assists in 35 Premier League appearances. Neverthless, you still wouldn’t recognise him if he smashed his trolley into you while shouting ‘Up the Bees’ at the local supermarket.
Aston Villa – Matty Cash
Poland’s favourite son Matty Cash won the Aston Villa Supporters’ Player of the Season and was an ever-present this season, chipping in with four goals and three assists.
Jacob Ramsey was named both Players’ Player of the Season and Young Player of the Season, while Danny Ings’ overhead kick against Newcastle was awarded goal of the season.
Southampton – James Ward-Prowse
James Ward-Prowse won the Southampton Player of the Season award as he’s the only person anyone can name from the Saints team. He won it in 2020/21 for the very same reason.
He scored ten goals in 35 Premier League appearances, probably all from dead balls. I’ve heard he’s good at them.
He also won the Players’ Player award, and the Goal of the Season for his long-range free-kick at Wolves. See, told you he was good at dead balls.
Everton – Jordan Pickford
A bin fire of a campaign for Everton spat out keeper Jordan Pickford as the winner of the Player of Season trophy. Having a keeper win the award is an admission that the rest of the team have been rubbish.
Granted his save from Chelsea’s Cesar Azpilicueta, which also won him the Premier League save of the season, is up there in Gordon Banks territory.
Anthony Gordon won the Players’ Player and the Young Player of the Season, while Vitalii Mykolenko won Goal of the Season for his volley against Leicester.
Leeds United – TBA
Leeds are yet to announce their Player of the Season, probably because they can’t find one.
Aston Villa’s Tyrone Mings should probably be given the gong for his last-ditch block against Burnley to keep the score at 1-1 and save Leeds from a mountain to climb in the final game of the season.
Burnley – TBA
Another club yet to show their cards, and who can blame them following a season they’ll want to forget. Maybe they’ll give it to a player who remains at the club after the vultures have picked over the carcass.
Watford – Hassane Kamara
The Hornets’ Player of the Year award went to Hassane Kamara, a defender bought from Nice in January. So he hadn’t even played a full season. The Ivory Coast international made the third most interceptions in the Premier League, which is probably a stat most teams aren’t particularly proud of.
Their Young Player of the Year award went to Shaqai Forde who made a fleeting debut in the FA Cup against Leicester, and will probably see more action in the Championship.
Norwich – Teemu Pukki
Teemu Pukki won the Player of the Year award for Norwich, only the second time he has picked up the award, which is probably more of a surprise.
He first won it in 2018/19 for his haul of 29 Championship goals. The 26 goals he scored in 2020/21 wasn’t clearly enough for the tough Norwich fanbase.
READ MORE: Who won the 2020/21 club player of the season awards?